There is a professional relationship of mine that started off on the wrong foot. She thought I was wrong, and I was too right to let her continue being so wrong, regardless of how few the days I had been around.

Needless to say her stubbornness was introduced to my own and she still hasn't gotten over it. In fact, she did a very effective job of influencing the initial view of a few others. Now we have all entered that fun stage where everyone else has realized how wrong she was and is now falling on the other side of nice to make up for their missperceptions, except of course The Thorn.

And so it is through the relational workings of Thorn and myself that I have come reacquainted with some psychological understandings that interest me. I have in a since, continually tried to manipulate Thorn so that I can increase my influence. John Maxwell builds a staircase to influence. It begins with relationship, then calls for success and finally requires the development of others leading to their own successes. Let me share with you a few of the 'experiments' I am trying to conduct to reach the first step on Maxwells staircase.

One finding (I would source these, but my Social Psychology book is at Julie's and I don't want to waste the time Google'ing), shows that when someone is asked or convinced to perform a favor or work for another that the view of the recipient is heightened by the giver. It seems that while the person giving is performing the task they tend to justify their actions by increasing their perceived value of the person they are performing for. (i.e. Yesterday I asked Thorn if she would store my bag of starlight mints in her desk drawer, of course she could have any she wanted... True I give away a few mints, but now everytime she opens that drawer she is reminding that she is doing something for me. Why would she do that if she hated me? Maybe she dosen't really hate me.)

Another finding shows that a moderate amount of negativity towards a bystander also increases the perception the bystander has for that individual. I loved the way this one played out. Last Thursday. I walked up to a desk and Thorn was standing their with Pleasant. I said hello to both, but only asked Pleasant how her weekend was. Afterward I started to slowly leave without speaking to Thorn.

She quickly bit, and said, "Aren't you going to ask how my weekend was?'

Of course I turned around and said, "Oh! I didn't know you would even want to tell me."

"Well I enjoy talking to you..."

Simple examples really, some would say those 'findings' are mere common since to a skilled communicator. However, regardless of how new or old the information, it still brings about a pause. Is it wrong to use your knowledge and understanding, however limited it may be, in interpersonal relationships toward an end that serves a purpose? Does a nice gesture, when done with an ulterior motive, cease to be nice? Of course I wouldn't dare propose that one shouldn't serve and be nice just for the sake of being nice, 1 Peter would certainly detour such missconceptions. I would be dishonest if I said that I had never used some psychological principles in every relationship I have. I guess the question is: Should I apologize for it?